What should i do? commit suicide? can someone talk with me on msn or at least on email?

I really think you should seek out a councellor to discuss your problems. I don't think you can get the help you need from an online discussion forum. As for your comment about meds, why do you think they make you less intelligent? There is no proof to that. As for you saying you're trying to lose 40 lbs, that is probably the least of your worries at this point since you are talking about suicide. I'm really concerned about you and your wellbeing, please seek appropriate help.